


Řëvěňģē

by sasukewasameme



Series: Logical Series [2]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Bad Ending, Character Death, Dark, Dark Uchiha Sasuke, Horror, Insanity, Manipulation, Mind Manipulation, Revenge, Schizophrenia, Self-Harm, Team as Family, Tragedy, Uchiha Sasuke Has Issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-13
Updated: 2020-12-10
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:33:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24695311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sasukewasameme/pseuds/sasukewasameme
Summary: Book 2 of my Logical series:Sasuke lives for revenge against the Hidden Leaf but after creating new bonds with his former comrades, will he be able to follow through with it?
Series: Logical Series [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1745068
Comments: 13
Kudos: 35





	1. Life Meaning

The meaning of life depended on perspective. For instance, one may only live for the sake of their friends and family while another lived for the sake of experiencing. The reason Sasuke lived was for revenge. All he knew in life was revenge and so, therefore, it became his life goal.

Without revenge, Sasuke was nothing. It was as simple as that. The truth was that he would probably commit suicide when his revenge was over and done with. After all, revenge was the only reason he lived. He grasped onto the concept of revenge the way a person with purpose grasped onto life. He needed revenge to continue living. He didn't know how to live without it so he grasped onto it tightly and refused to let go.

Until he questioned it. 

When he started questioning his revenge, he felt his hands loosening their grip. He was scared he would fall. So Sasuke's next goal in life was to strengthen his grip by breaking his bonds. Breaking what made him question his revenge was the only way to not fall.

Over the course of the next few days, Sasuke prepared himself for his revenge in every way he could. His first task was to attempt to break the bonds he'd made with the Leaf without having to be near them. It was hard. He had to force himself to remember every single bad (and good) thing the Leaf had ever done.

In the end, he came to the conclusion that the Leaf was evil. But that didn't stop him from thinking the Leaf Ninja weren't. 

Sasuke ate with the Akatsuki at a long dining table and looked around slowly. It would be a lie if he said he didn't care about his Team Taka but he didn't know how he felt about the Akatsuki themselves. 

Pain's intentions were only good; he knew that. But the fact that this one man could destroy the entire Leaf himself was something unsettling. Sasuke looked down at his plate of meat and remembered the raw meat Orochimaru had fed him for days on end before. The truth was, Sasuke never knew what was in that meat...

"My bombs are art!" Deidara yelled down the hall. Deidara and Sasori were late. Their squabbling snapped Sasuke out of his thoughts. Sometimes, he had to remind himself that he was no longer with Orochimaru and that he was okay. 

Today was one of those days. 

Sasuke glared at the loud noises his new comrades had made but couldn't deny the feeling of being grateful. Deidara and Sasori sat down and Pain frowned, seemingly also annoyed by how noisy they were. 

"What time did I say dinner would be at?" Sasori blamed Deidara for their tardiness. "Wanna fight?" Asked Deidara, pointing accusingly at Sasori. Pain's frown deepened. "Please remember to be on time next time." Deidara looked annoyed but sat down and quieted anyway. 

"Now that we're all here, we must talk about when we destroy the Leaf." Madara, who was sitting next to him, nodded once. Sasuke tried paying attention but the voices in his head were whispering amongst themselves.

"Raw meat," they said and there were several laughs. "Raw meat, raw meat." They clearly thought Sasuke's suffering was entertaining. Sasuke tried to ignore them in every way possible. He didn't want memories of the past to be brought up but it was hard to ignore.

"I was thinking about destroying the Leaf in exactly one month. Ideas?" "Raw meat. What was in that raw meat?" Suddenly, Sasuke broke into laughter. He wasn't sure why. Maybe he was insane or maybe he thought raw meat was funny. Whatever it was, he was filled with uncontrollable laughter.

Everyone at the table looked at him. Sasuke put his head down onto his arm that was resting on the table and hid his face to muffle his laughter. He felt like he was going insane. Tears filled his eyes and his laughter mixed with muffled sobs. 

"How emberassing," said one voice. "You ruin the pride of the Uchiha," said another. Sasuke laugh-sobbed harder. They were right though. This was rather embarassing. He tried to stop his laughter but the best he could do was quiet it down some by replacing it with choked sounds.

Pain glanced at him. Then, he ignored him and continued. "What are your thoughts on this?" He caught everyone's attention. The Akatsuki members gave Sasuke side glances but caught on that they shouldn't be making a big deal out of it.

"Sounds like fun," said Kisame. Deidara excitedly talked about how he couldn't wait to use his bombs while Zetsu stayed quiet. Suigetsu nudged Sasuke. "Hey. You okay over there?" Sasuke nodded and calmed down some. "You were so embarassed that you had to hide your face. Pathetic!" Said Karin, unintentionally harshly. 

But Sasuke only laughed. Confidently this time. Then, he raised his head. His eyes were wild and almost murderous. He looked everyone in the eye and said, "It wasn't out of emberassment. It was because if you saw the way I laughed, you'd be scared." 

Chills went down Karin's spine. Sasuke smirked evilly, as if he planned for this to happen. Then, he stood up and left. Pain didn't tell him to stay. Sasuke was Madara's problem, after all. But Madara expectedly did nothing about it. 

Madara was the type to make pets believe they were free, even though they were locked in cages. He intentionally let Sasuke think he was independent, even though he was controlling him from the shadows. Pets who knew they were caged attempted to break free while pets who weren't even aware they were caged already thought they were free.

It was a near flawless plan, if only the other animals around didn't see the cage themselves and didn't try to help. That was why he had to get rid of Sasuke's friends as soon as possible; because they were aware he was controlling Sasuke. 

But out of pure curiosity, he wanted Sasuke to be the one to kill him. That was certainly a fight to live for.


	2. Decisions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasuke contemplates death in multiple ways.

Sasuke woke up in the middle of the night, something not uncommon. He tried to fall back asleep but couldn't. The voices were already awake, most definitely wanting to annoy him. 

He had one month. One month to learn to hate the Leaf. At times, when he was cynical, he thought he could easily kill each and every one of them in cold blood. At other times, he felt that his bond with the Leaf was one he did not wish to destroy. 

Even though Orochimaru should've had nothing to do with Sasuke's decision, Sasuke couldn't help being influenced by the flashbacks he had. He tried pushing the memories to the back of his head. The memories of terrible things he experienced under Orochimaru's "care..."

And all of a sudden, Sasuke felt his happiness drain from his body. All that was left was cold darkness. He had no remorse for himself and for others. He didn't care about death. Death was something everyone would experience someday. Why not now?

He was both suicidal and homicidal. And life? Was miserable. Yes, he thought. In fact, killing them would be doing them a favor. It would be putting them out of their misery. 

It was at that moment - the very moment where he came to the conclusion that killing them wasn't murder but rather empathy - was when he came to a final decision. 

He would kill the Leaf. And then he would kill himself.

"Fair" wasn't often the word people thought of when thinking of Sasuke. But the truth was that fairness was all Sasuke strived for in life. Everyone had been told the life long saying that "life isn't fair" but Sasuke was never one to accept those words. 

If life wasn't fair, he'd make it fair. 

When his brother killed his entire clan, he strived for fairness through murdering him in revenge. When Itachi turned out to be a good guy, he started fairness by killing off the people who made him do such evil things.

And killing off the Leaf ninja was only fair. To end the cycle, he'd lastly kill himself. It was only fair if the murderer of the murderers got murdered. He didn't want to do this dirty work in life but someone had to do it. 

Sasuke wasn't the type to admit it but he hated himself. He hated himself more than anyone else in the world. His hatred ran deep so his riskiness soared high. He didn't care what happened to him. 

Sasuke felt a headache begin to form and sighed. A stress headache, of course. He thought of his family. At times, when he was lost in thought, he was able to think about the past without getting hurt. But that was a rare thing. So he revelled in it.

He watched his memories come and go. He listened to the voices in his head without judging for the first time a while. Part of his problem with the voices and creatures he saw was that he refused to accept them. He fought them and rejected them.

Sasuke left his room and walked outside. Sleep was hard for him, although much needed. He ignored his needs. A few minutes after taking in the nighttime air, he saw a flash of yellow. He didn't need to look to know it was Naruto.

He purposely left the yellow flash alone. It wasn't time to kill Naruto. Not yet. He sat down and ignored the yellow. In a strange way, he felt like a god who decided who got to live and who deserved to die. 

"Shut up," said a red wolf. "You're getting way ahead of yourself." Sasuke didn't argue. He himself wasn't sure why he was seeing himself as a "god." He clearly wasn't thinking right. He shut his eyes and cleared his mind.

When he thought he was in his right mind again, he started to open them. He caught a blur of orange and hands all over his face. Sasuke struggled pathetically, attempting to breathe. 

But the hands on his face were covering his nose, eyes, and mouth. One of the hands moved from his eyes to cover his nose and mouth more. And Sasuke was suffocating. Naruto's stressed out face was twisted in frustration and even fear. 

Sasuke stopped struggling. He wanted to see if Naruto would follow through with murdering him for a few reasons, one of them being that he wanted to die already. Another reason was because he wanted Naruto to be as bad as him. If Naruto was as bad as him, he'd be easier to kill.

Most of all, Sasuke wanted to know if Naruto had the guts to kill him. 

So, Sasuke waited. Naruto had an apology in his eyes. Sasuke wanted to scream at Naruto. If he was truly sorry, he'd stop suffocating him. Sasuke had betrayal in his eyes. He himself wasn't sure why he felt betrayed. But he did.

Waiting to die was easier said than done. Each second passed miserably slowly and his lungs were gasping for air he didn't have. He was feeling light headed and his headache was getting worse. 

Soon, his survival instinct kicked in and his hands grasped violently at Naruto's to save his life. If it was his choice, Sasuke wouldn't be struggling at all. But his survival instinct overpowered the will of his mind.

He thought of dark memories from the past. His feeling of being betrayed switched to his body. It wasn't the first time his body had betrayed him. There was something wet on his face. Tears. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." 

Naruto wailed. Sasuke shifted his betrayal back to Naruto. He wanted Naruto to see his face of depressed betrayal before he died. He wanted the image of his despair smeared into Naruto's brain every single time he went to sleep. He wished Naruto would suffer as much as he did.

But, alas, nothing ever went well for Sasuke. More tears ran down Sasuke's face and he wasn't sure if they were Naruto's or his own. His light headedness morphed into the feeling of his spirit floating above his body. 

Of course, Naruto had to stop just when he had felt disconnected from his body. Sasuke felt a universal push that pushed him back into his body, no exceptions. He wanted to plead with the universe to make him leave his body again but the universe wasn't having it.

He regained all of his senses and the first sense recovered was hearing. Naruto sobbed annoyingly. Sasuke wanted to yell. So he did. He got up and yelled at Naruto, calling him pathetic for not killing him right and he cursed him for existing.

Naruto sobbed violently but Sasuke didn't care. Naruto had no right to cry right now. Sasuke threw anything that was heavy at Naruto. And Naruto let himself be hit. Sasuke ignored the fact that he didn't throw anything heavy at Naruto's head.

He told himself it was because it wasn't time to kill him yet and was satisfied with that. 

Sasuke took all of his frustration out on Naruto. After being so loud, it was obvious the Akatsuki hadn't surrounded Naruto because Pain ordered them to wait for the remaining month of time. 

Naruto and Sasuke got tired out at the same time. They sat on the ground together for a few minutes before Naruto got up and ran off. Sasuke let him.


	3. Existential Crisis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so, so sorry for the extremely late update. Please forgive me. I know I let so many of you down and I can't expect you to fully forgive me for that. Even worse, I feel as if this chapter sounds rushed. If you want me to rewrite this chapter, I'll see what I can do. Feel free to vent in the comments.

Sasuke wasn't sure if the bruises on his neck were real or just his imagination. Was that Naruto real? He didn't know. He walked back to the hideout and laid in bed for a few days, wanting nothing but to be alone with his thoughts.

On day 4, Madara interrupted his resting "Two weeks," he'd said. Two weeks until they were to kill the Leaf ninja. Sasuke wasn't so sure what he thought about that but when he asked the voices in his head, they answered, "it needs to be done." 

It does, he thought. 

The next day, Sasuke kept seeing his mother's head everywhere. Why was she teleporting places? Was it just to haunt him? Was it her ghost? Did she want revenge? Sasuke didn't know and he didn't have the energy to think deeply about any of those questions. 

Then, he got the strangest thought. What would happen if he took his own head off? "Do it. You're tired of your head, aren't you?" And all of a sudden, everything clicked. Yes, he was tired of his head. What if he detached from his head? Would everything be better?

"No!" Yelled out a male's voice. That startled Sasuke. He jumped a little and then looked around to make sure no one was there to see it. Then, he relaxed. "If you detach from your head, you will die," an androgynous voice sang happily. 

Damnit. He can't die. He needs to kill Naruto first. 

Sasuke grew frustrated. If he couldn't die, then how could he detach his head without dying? "You can't," says a voice. Sasuke grew even more frustrated. Then, his mind came up with a plan. Ah, yes, he thought. What a perfect idea.

He didn't have to cut his head off right now. He could just do it later, when he's done killing everyone. Sasuke hummed. That's right, he thought. That's what he'll do. But even though he decided, over the course of the next two days, he found his hands wandering to his jaw and attempting to pull his head from his neck.

"What are you doing?" Madara asked the question everyone else was wondering. "Gauging how easy it would be to take my head off." And what had Madara been through in his lifetimeto not even make the slightest move at Sasuke's answer? Wondered Suigetsu who flinched at what Sasuke had said.

As each day passed, Sasuke felt as if his time with the Leaf was something he imagined. The only way he knew it wasn't imagination was from the pain in his neck from having been strangled. Was the pain in his neck real? He didn't know. But he lived to play pretend that it was. 

Naruto strangling him was a deathtrap. If it weren't for the strangulation, he'd think his time with the Leaf was a hallucination and he'd kill the Leaf Ninja without hesitation. But the pain in his neck was a reminder of the kindness he'd received from the Leaf, making them harder to kill. (Even if most everyone in the village hated him.)

Soon, it became a week until they were to kill the Leaf. For some reason, the days seemed to get darker the closer the day of the Leaf's execution came. The voices also became more frequent, driving Sasuke closer to the edge. He could feel himself about to snap.

Perfect, he thought. When he snaps, he'll kill the Leaf Ninja more easily. Two more days passed and Sasuke's face had insanity written all over it. Team Taka was too afraid to approach him in fear that he would murder everyone and laugh about it.

Sasuke tried his best to direct his murderous intent towards Naruto but the feeling of wanting to kill slipped away after he saw Naruto's smiling face. Which pissed him off even more. On days, he was tempted to go out to release his murderous rage on rude innocents who looked down on him (and therefore the Uchiha name) but he needed to control himself.

He needed to wait for Naruto. 

On the tenth day, Sasuke's murderous intent started dissipating and he admittedly felt panicked. Throughout the whole day, he did everything he could to get his rage going again. He even considered resorting to extreme self-harm but ultimately decided he needed to keep his fingers and toes for the fight.

Why was this happening? What had happened to make his murderous intent suddenly leave? He looked in the mirror. "Don't tell me you've gone soft." His reflection said and he wasn't sure if it was him speaking or if his voices were imitating him in the mirror.

Sasuke spent much too much time on pondering whether it was the voices or himself and ended up staring questioningly at his reflection for almost two hours. When he finally broke away from his reflection, worry began creeping itself onto him once again because what the hell was he doing but staring at his reflection for almost two hours?

Who was he really? Why was he doing this? He was sure if Suigetsu could hear his thoughts, he'd be laughing at how staring at his reflection started an existential crisis. But, in the end, his existential crisis was a good thing. 

He found that, instead of forcing himself to want to kill Naruto, he needed to accept that he didn't want to kill Naruto and simply needed to. "Sometimes, there are things we don't want to do but we do them anyways," he remembered his mom saying to him once. 

But why did he need to kill Naruto? Because Sasuke needed to not care so he could become Hokage and rule fairly with no emotions involved. The last people he cared about was his old team in the Leaf Village. He needed to kill them, which would kill out any emotions he had left. And then, he could rule the Ninja World.

He would rule the Ninja World in a way in which there was only honesty and no murdering other peoples' clans for the government. He wouldn't lie to his citizens by giving them hope. There's only evil in the world, after all. And his voices would help him to not get lonely.

It became the night before the Leaf Village Ninja Massacre and Sasuke didn't feel a murderous intent nor did he feel happy or relieved. Instead, he felt like this was what had to be done. He felt like this was a goal he needed to complete whether he wanted to or not. 

It was his final goal.


End file.
